I’m not sharing anything Earth shattering within this post. What I am doing here, is to simply share what I believe to be one of the most honest and prophetic statement to teens that anyone has shared in a long, long time.

I guess it’s fitting that it comes from a Judge who spent his entire career advocating for and working with teenagers. Judge Phillip B. Gilliam spent 33 years working as a Juvenile Court Judge in Denver Colorado. That same facility is named after Judge Gilliam today. The Judge wrote the semi-famous letter on December 6th, 1959. The appropriateness of this letter transcends the decades and ages. Those that question if history repeats itself, look no further.

Here is the original, unedited letter Judge Gilliam wrote:

Always we hear the plaintive cry of the teenager. What can we do? … Where can we go?

The answer is GO HOME!

Hang the storm windows, paint the woodwork. Rake the leaves, mow the lawn, shovel the walk. Wash the car, learn to cook, scrub some floors. Repair the sink, build a boat, get a job.

Help the minister, priest, or rabbi, the Red Cross, the Salvation Army. Visit the sick, assist the poor, study your lessons. And then when you are through — and not too tired — read a book.

Your parents do not owe you entertainment. Your city or village does not owe you recreational activities.

The world does not owe you a living… You owe the world something.

You owe it your time and your energy and your talents so that no one will be at war or in poverty or sick or lonely again.

Grow up; quit being a crybaby. Get out of your dream world and develop a backbone, not a wishbone, and start acting like a man or a lady.

You’re supposed to be mature enough to accept some of the responsibility your parents have carried for years.

They have nursed, protected, helped, appealed, begged, excused, tolerated and denied themselves needed comforts so that you could have every benefit. This they have done gladly, for you are their dearest treasure.

But now, you have no right to expect them to bow to every whim and fancy just because selfish ego instead of common sense dominates your personality, thinking and request.

In Heaven’s name, grow up and go home!

Today’s entitled teenagers could certainly benefit from reading Judge Gilliam’s potent letter of reality and wisdom. If we are to survive and provide a better world for our teens, it begins with teaching them personal accountability.

Thank you Judge Gilliam and god bless!

Disciplining teenagers isn’t just about the bad. It really is about the art of communicating with your teen, to prevent having to even get to the point of having to discipline. I hope that makes sense, because discipline is a final step, not an on-going part of everyday life with your teen. If that’s where you’re at, then something has gone very wrong along the way. It can be fixed, but it will take some time, patience and communication.

Communication is a lost art. In today’s world, we text, e-mail and tweet. We share, like and post on Facebook and pin to Pinterest.

Remember the old days when people sat down face to face and communicated with each other using their words and facial expressions and body language? I’m here to tell you that this is one of the many habits we have to get back to when it comes to our youth. As parents, we get as caught up in the technology as everyone else and life is so damn fast, you can’t stop for a moment, or you’re left behind.

…But we have to stop. We have to be in each moment with our children and we have to communicate with them at a personal level…

Just for 20 minutes each day, ask for them to turn off their phones and tablets and computers. Ask them to put down their IPods, gameboys and PSP’s. Ask them for just 20 minutes of undivided, person to person communication. Ask them how school is going and ask about how their friends are. Let them tell you about anything they want. The time is theirs for sharing and yours for showing you give a damn. Kids need to know that you care and that you are aware. Those 20 personal minutes each day will give you knowledge and insight into a lot more than you ever thought and will build a trust and consistency into their life that will grow your relationship and solidify your communication for years to come.

So there I was searching for the right words. Disciplining teenagers is tough enough, but finding the right response for complete and utter indifference and a non-caring and un-interested tone had me at my wits end. The worst part is that I hadn’t even spoken with her in over a week.

The “her” was my 13 year old step daughter. She had been spending time with her grandmother (the topic of multiple posts down the road in her own right) and had just returned home. Her mother and I had sat her down to have one of our many “heart to hearts” with her regarding the fact that she had been completely disrespectful to her grandmother all week and hadn’t followed through with the daily expectations we had set for her while she was visiting.

I know what you’re thinking…the expectations must have been too much. Let’s see…brushing her teeth daily, showering daily and making sure the dog had food and water, and that she got out for her walk (The dog..)

Her response was “Whatever”

Are you freakin’ kidding me?

Does this sound familiar? If so, then welcome to the support group. We meet daily right here. You see I have a very unique access into the teenage brain and thought process. Mind you, it’s subject to change at any point in time and for likely almost any reason, but for now I’m embarking on a journey through teenage-hood with two very different teens in tow.

The 1st is my 13 year old step daughter. She’s a wonderfully creative person who wants to experience life as someone who is a leader and looked at as important, but can’t verbalize her wants and desires in a mature way to her mother and I, which creates a significant barrier.

The 2nd is my 13 year old daughter. My uber-talented dancer/jock who has been and continues to be enough of a social butterfly for 20 people all on her own. The challenges with her are very different. While I can’t get her step sister to come out of her shell long enough to get going, this one I wish I could get back into her shell a little. We’ve been fortunate to this point, that she has made good decisions regarding who she spends her time with, but I worry that her outgoing demeanor could get her hurt at some point.

As I said, the support group meets here!

Thanks for stopping & welcome to Disciplining Teenagers.